Bobbing along in a tube full of farts The food angels pass with their duty free carts They’ve dressed for the job that the airline entails With the sweetest of voices my heart they impale. No fatties amongst them, they’re whip thin and tanned I obviously have no chance as soon as we land In fact I’m a twat coz I’ve just been informed. I’m sat in the wrong seat, but this one is warmed. A Jack and a coke with some Haribo bears They’ll see me alright till I reach foreign shores. The patchwork of fields thousands feet down below Remind me of maps be it tactical so There’s a grid square to hide from the enemy tanks. But you know what? I would sometimes just have a quick wank. The sea hones in view as the land disappears I still haven’t got that damn sound from me ears I hear babies crying, and smell what they’ve done It isn’t surprising when all’s said and done I’ll sign off for now as my food has arrived If you don’t see me soon, just assume that I’ve died!