As I sat last night in Pheonix House (another trip to see if I can start making geetars) I found myself talking to a load of guys with similar problems. Now PTSD is an overarching acronym for many things psychological, but through conversation, all stemming from the same point (sort of).
Control; that’s it, or lack of it. Losing control of your own destiny, (path in life) or giving control over to someone else for the briefest of times. I know it’s my problem, but now I have realised its wider spread. Young guys nervous of new things, or new people. Old guys not knowing who or what to trust anymore, we’ve all lost something, and that something is HUGE! Don’t ask me what it is, I haven’t a clue, but we’ve lost it!!
I lamented about a chance to go away again, but this time to Belgium to dig around a field looking for the history of the battle of Waterloo, well, whatever I lost, manifested itself into worry then anxiety about the trip and I eventually made myself sick with worry. So even now, I’m feeling the after effects of wars gone by. (Not the actual one when the battle took place) you know what I mean.
So control is the key, or not the key. It’s a difficult thing to explain really. Four letters just don’t do it justice and for all the veterans (and serving members of the armed forces) suffering from varying degrees of PTSD (no matter how small) I salute you, I salute you and stand by your sides all the way to the re-org in the blues skies above.