Now judging by the title you would think I had some sort of axe to grind! (On the necks of ignorant arsehole people (mostly old) who have no self preservation skill) anyhoo, I haven’t (well I didn’t until I sat down with a coffee) but that’s a different story! Let’s start today with a happy thought! As I drove to my favourite (hated) town for a freshly brewed cup of instant constipation relief I passed farmers in their field with tractors and trailers and green vegetation!!! Surely it’s not harvest festival time yet? But there they were reeaping and harvesting away like little worker bees!
I put this in for a reason, but Giz a minute to lament the winter and herald the spring! The nights creep backwards against the impending sunlight hours of Spring, the heating systems click on seemingly at the wrong time, far too early as do the automatic lights that keep the winter predators at bay. You switch on the telly and things that you watched under the warmth of a blanket on the couch (or your ‘poorly cardy’ seem to be misshedualed! It’s all wrong. The changing seasons remind you of the passing of time. Workless, the day’s meld into one, the weekend disappears and the importance of time winds away with the tick of the clock. But the relentless march of the daffodils from south to north brings on the stark realisation that time is running away!
The car! Oh the Vauxhall zafira!!!! Well it turns out that when you are given a hire car by the RAC they take on the Forrset Gump patina! You never know what you’re going to get! Now I ride a bike, so a small (cheap) economic car would have been great! But no, let’s give him a fucking family camper van (and they don’t come much camper than this) If you do actually own one, take a long hard look at your life and try to find where it went wrong! Take your testicals out of your wife’s purse and be a man (fuck your new age, environmentally bearded more sensitive mangirl!) you, my effeminate friend are the reason why the human race is in decline!
The reason why I have been given the Venga bus? My bike took a wobbly the other day and threw its teddy out the pram (and I had just washed it too) the fuckng box head of a bike wanted a rest so it destroyed its own fuel pump in the tank! (Something I just couldn’t fix with a tube of superglue and a toothpick (oh I tried though)) and I came to a grinding halt on the coast road! So tank off, tools out and a rummage around reaffirmed my fears! That I’m absolutely no good at modern mechanics anymore! So the RAC were deployed (and that’s a story for another day)
My new project as an interstellar arms dealer! May take a while but it’s a start of my First Order Trooper costume! (The helmet I PRE bought is still on Starkville base I think!!!