Sailing on the seven seas with you.

After the worlds hottest quickest shower, I donned my BLACK jodhpurs, looking like a slightly evil Mr Darcy I checked my arse out in the mirror! Good, in for a penny…. As I made my way down the apples and pears I smelt the bacon that had been prepared for breakfast, but thought nothing of it as I had told the guys I didn’t want any. So a cup of tea while I waited for the ride to the orses. As luck would have it, some bacon had been spared for me!! So together with bread butter and red sauce, my lavish banquet was complete. Right up until the time the van came down the road early. So in the sink with me brew and in me pocket with me sarnie. 
I knew today we were supposed to be getting int the saddle, but my trepidation weighted heavy as we hadn’t even been shown how to get onto the bloody thing. Woody the practice horse had only been deployed so we could put its halter on. Gathering the orses from the field, I was greeted by a quick sniff and a head butt by my geegee Red. Im pleased she knew who I was as I didn’t have a clue which one she was, browny coloured was all I could remember. Halter on in one swift motion, then down into the paddocky thing for a bit of grooming. (Im Pleased my sense of smell has disappeared) her hoofs were bogging in orse shite, but I couldn’t smell it 😀. A brush and a cuddle later we were bonded again, so into the indoor crew room for a lesson on mounting your beast (no, not that way) Everything went well, no one fell off the wooden orse and no one was bitten. How to turn left and right, how to start and stop and most important for me, where was the handbrake? Now we led the animals out to the outdoor arena. Red was happy enough, blowing through her nose, keeping her head down and generally being a lethargic bugger (happy for me), then came the mount. Even if I say so myself, I was like a young Roy Rodgers. She stood stock still as I sat on her back, comfortable and happy together. Then it was time for our first walk. Never before have I had such power between my legs that did as I asked first time. 

 
I know pictures AND video are available of the wacky races that ensued. Honestly it must have looked like the keystone cops in full 24Fps. Orses and riders were disappearing off in every direction, others were trying to start their animals with no avail and still others were quite content to allow themselves to be driven by their orses. Pandemonium, but good fun. Once we were in some sort of order, we followed each other around the arena, then changed directions, sped up, stopped and laughed. As one of the guys thought he was off into the wall (about sixty feet away) his shrill cry of “WHOOOOOOOOAAAAA” permeated the silence. Red and I just stopped and watched the clown act. I was in heaven with this experience (if you haven’t tried it, don’t scoff) After a while the orses were lead back into their field after a treat of nuts and stuff! Our food was deployed and the next item on the agenda was a tour of the conservation estate that we were on. Well, all I can say is that some people need a sense of humour injection. After being told that the estate once was owned by the “Gordon’s” I said the most famous being “Flash” the head dude didn’t get the joke. And it went on. Now I’m sure the estate is fantastic, but dwelling on a grave of a rich mans horse brought back from the First World War (when so many millions were left there) stuck in my throat, I lost interest as the guy seemed more attuned to the animal suffering than the human suffering of war! Oh well.

 
Returning to the house, I was put in charge!!!! Me!!!! FFS. So as soon as I could, I left with a couple of guys and visited the church across the hill. I will let the photos speak for themselves. It’s been a great experience so far, and I can only envisage it’s going to get better (unless I break a limb falling from Red)


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