Two little boys had two little……oh hang on!
Breakfast, well, a cup of tea as getting up this morning wasn’t really an option. Seeing as I had no sleep last night due to the uncomfortable single bed and Tommy’s snoring I refused to rise when the seven o’clock alarm went off! Insert/ delete where appropriate. The fucking fire alarm went off because some trumpet thought they would cook/ cremate breakfast! Oh well being used to incoming and not budging, the thought of a fire could only galvanise me into staying put.
As everyone washed their plates and cups (and left them soaking!!) I heard a vehicle pull away! Thinking this was the transport to the GeeGees, I reluctantly left my bed and tripped into the bathroom. The floor was wet, the water was cold and the window was wide open letting any semblance of heat out. Really! Not a good start! As I skipped down the stairs with a happy refrain, I thought about making a fresh pot of tea, then I thought better of it and made me own! (Jack bastard). Fortunately for me, the vehicle I heard had been one of the helpers cars taking some guys to the shop first. Unfortunately for me, I was left with some trombones!! The sky was as dark as my mood so it could only get better!
The ‘Stig’ drove us to the stables! I closed my eyes and gripped the seatbelt gif all I was worth, now I remember why I HATE being a passenger in ANYTHING! Inside I died a thousand times and killed everyone twice, but eventually the road widened and the destination honed into view. A farm house, some paddocks, some stables and a shit load of fields housing one of the biggest (if not THE biggest) herd of horses in the country (remember I’m in Scotland). A good old fashioned safety brief and introduction lecture first then into the nuances of good grooming (as with any tool box I possessed, half of it was missing) but I knew what some if the stuff looked like, so that was all ok…….apparently!
My first session with an orse in years! But this time I was learning to brush her and make her feel at ease with me! Or more to the point, me feel at ease with her. A “Blue, (something or other)”called “Ellie May”. She stood about a foot taller than me and seemed to be stoned out f her tree. Or placid, or tired I don’t know but she was dormant! (I liked her) now brushing orses may seem a bit tame if you look at what people do with them, but I must admit, it was a joy just to be so close to an animal that could eat me in three bites. A cup of tea later and we were shepherded into an indoor arena. Leading your orse was our task. Staying in front of them and having them follow you us easy right! Is it fuck! First you have to put on its harness thing! Not a bridle as we are doing it the American cowboy style. Everyone practiced on a wooden orse (ready for doing it for real in the morning) but no, I had to do it with Ms May as she wasn’t ready for me. How she stood still as I fumbled with her head trying to get it into this noose I’ll never understand but stand still she did. Leading them out the paddock into the outdoor arena I thought I was going to get stamped on. (Apparently they test your resolve first). I thought I was doing alright until I was reminded I was in charge, (well supposed to be)
After what seemed like three days walking around and around I hit the hang of it! I walked, she walked. I stopped, she stopped, I yawned, she yawned. (I think we bonded). So into the indoor arena now, with obstacle to cross. They say, ‘you can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead’ or something like that, well I lead me orse around the outside, then over the obstacle, then she lead me around the obstacles. (I’m sure I’m supposed to be in charge) oh well, we got a good score, so both of us were happy. (I do hope I get the lazy pie eater tomorrow too) a few debriefs and normal end of day pish then we were off back to the homestead! I stank of equine, my boots were up to the eyes in shite, my pockets were full of hay and my resolve thoroughly tested. I had a great day. (Did you know a horses tail was part bone?) I didn’t.