Constant craving

Back in a coffee shop in the North East. Back in the chillier climbs of the far off hinterland that is Northumberland. Back in the USSR!! (Didn’t someone write a song about that?). Anyway, first time really me and Bob have had a proper outing (a ride around my local area doesn’t count) so I girdled his loins (he really can’t do that himself) and wound the loud twisty handle to eleven…… And he coughed! A slight ‘ahem’ of indignance from my bike! Now I had ignored him for a day or two so he let me know his displeasure in the only way he could 😳

  
As a promise to myself, I wouldn’t spend anything today and see how I did. I got to the first shop and emptied me pocket (fucking Costas) then I wandered towards my spiritual shopping home (now don’t laugh) TK Maxx. I love it, I was informed by my brother of a chopping board (again, don’t laugh) but a man and his chopping board are one. We must trust the board not to move fall or blunt our knives. (Is that wierd?). Well, I looked and found a beautiful tree trunk section. Unfortunately it had a base glued on and so was prone to tilt!!!! Bastards!!! It did smell nice though.

  
Oh yeah! As I’m not a real regular at the metro, I was unaware of the opening times. AND as it didn’t open until 10 (well the bigger stores were open at nine) I was trawled around looking at towels for me sister. Not just one shop, but all shops, with the same colours. And the same make. And the same price. (Can you see where this is going?). Well my gains from that place were a wooden butter knife (seriously, it’s cool as fuck) and an empty pocket! Not to worry, IKEA next.

  
Before we left the sanctity of the metro, I fouls a pasta dryer! A frikkin pasta dryer! I need one, I don’t want one, I need one. For drying me pasta. (Odd that) but at twenty quid a pop, I’m  going to give me downstairs neighbour a task. I’m sure he’s up for the job, if I can catch him before he and his wife bugger off to the sun for a month or so! Bloody pensioners!! So, IKEA. Now I remembered that me brother had said the chopping board was in this shop, not the last one (so I apologise to him for calling him a lying Twat) also available for my purchase was a rail and hooks to hang me pans up. Thing is, I have to get in me loft to make the fixings sting enough NOT to pull me kitchen ceiling down. The loft is scary, it’s got spiders in and everything. That may be a job for Emma! She’s afraid of no spiders. My coffee is gone and now it’s time to raise hell at the phone shop for selling me a dodgy waterproof speaker in January! It’s buggered after three months and I’m not unduly happy. Wish me luck 


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