“It’s going to hurt”, he said.
“I’ve NEVER felt pain like it before”, she told me.
“Can I use your toilet?” he asked. These are the phrases that stick in my mind from the last few days. Predominantly the negative ones, the hurty ones, the ones that foresaw my dilemma. Do I go back for more torture? Or do I grin and bear it for the rest of my days? . ‘What on Earth is he waffling on about now?’ You may be thinking, or perhaps more about what to have for tea! Well this morning I underwent a treatment that I can only equate to having someone shove something red hot and electric into your body without so much as a care.
Yes I had cortisone thrust into my wrist by Dr Doom. Honestly it was like the scene from X-Men where wolverine is made! The needle was microscopic (I’ve seen dwarves bigger) and it was only about a thimble full of fluids but I felt as if I was being dealt with by the CIA for information on terrorism. I honestly squealed like a child, Doctor Mengele took this as a sign I may be hurting so removed the spear and planted it back in about 2mm to the right! By this time I couldn’t care if my arm fell off! “oh that’s alright”, he said. “It happens sometimes”. That wasn’t the end! As I was being subjected to this civilian form of ‘water boarding’ I felt myself heat up and start to sweat! ‘Oh Christ’ I thought, ‘I’m going to be sick’. I seriously felt nauseous, I could have thrown up on his shoes! With this, Dr Frankenstein looked at me with quizzical eyes wondering what had happened. He casually took the plunger out and put a cotton swab (a sheep) on the stigmata holes.
Asking me if I was okay I thought of his Hippocratic oath you know the one where he helps others!!! And though “Twat, he enjoyed that! After a lie down on the rack with my legs held aloft, Dr Strangelove handed me a glass of water (here we go, special fluids and a quick extraction of any gold teeth) sipping like a watchful gazelle on the Serengeti plains I looked at Shaun on my wrist. It really bloody hurt! I eventually rallied myself enough to get into me brothers car and regale him with the events of the torture chamber…. The Git laughed. At home on my couch I was planning a helluva lot for the rest of the day. I must have sat on the controls as the time machine whirred into life and I woke up at four o’clock!
A bit of a ride out to check I’m all in working order and a coffee in Costa I feel fine, although the guitar may need to be given a wide birth for a day or two. The fingers seemed to have calmed a little bit now the other ones are wanting to pipe up! Bugger! I’ll be giving thought to another injection of this works, but if it doesn’t I would rather spend my days looking like Mary Berry and her f%#}{d up hands.
(This is for another day)
Right, home now after a jaunt to the shop to buy fruit!!! I haven’t eaten an apple or a banana in ages! So topping up my diet with something other than meat and vegetables is looking good. What’s NOT looking good is the fact my left hand is just as bad as before Dr Evil got his laser sharks on it, it’s the other fingers tingling now and the original ones are numb as F#%k. I’ll give it a week before I make me mind up wether to get the right one done :🙀
Dec247h 