Instant Karma

You know the score, blasphemy one minute, regret the next. If I were in a desert having a pop at the Christians, bugger all would happen to me from heaven above, but seeing as I’m at the top of my stairs one minute (cursing God for my choice of paint colour) then at the bottom the next wondering what the fuck happened? The change of faith really seems fair!!!! I’m sure today I didn’t shoot a baby Bambi, or punch a badger. So why would “Him” above take the piss and make my platform fold like a Frenchman at the battle of Champagne ? (Google them) so all my preparation of laying a dust sheet, cleaning my brushes, getting the music loaded and a cup of coffee (there’s a story) was for naught. Cutting in was going well, until I stood on me platform (a fecking kitchen chair) and leant back to admire the straight line. That’s when the omnipotent looked down unto me and decreed “Fuck you Adamson”. Slow motion ensued and I saw the ground coming up to meet me, then the stairs, then the ceiling, then the wall (all the while dancing with the chair with what could have been mistaken for a tango). That was “Exit stage left” for tonight as far as I was concerned.

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Unfortunately, when I got back upstairs, I noticed not too much mess had placed itself in conspicuous places around the carpet, so I grinned, cried and carried on to get at least one coat onto one wall. That’s when I noticed the bark had been removed from my knuckles. Again I cried (this time aloud), finished the wall, cleaned shit up and put it away. Another coffee to calm my nerves and some words of wisdom to the cupboard containing the paint. Anyway, safe to say I shall continue another day! Onto the coffee, did you know about ‘Black Friday?’, I didn’t until I went online looking for something to watch and found the ‘Black Tag’ event at currys. A De-Longi that was priced at £99 stripped down to £29. Obviously I clicked reserve (not thinking for one minute I would get one) but believe me, it’s bloody easy, cheap AND the hot beverages tastes fantastic. (Yes, I said beverages, not coffees as I love the chocolate)

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Since I last wrote, a few things have occurred in my life, some cool, some shite, some just plain weird! Bob (me Bandit) decided to develop a squeak from the front brakes. Ian Bell Motorcycles sorted that out in a trice, along with tightening my steering, tightening my chain, and inflating my tyres. (I didn’t even consider my tyre pressures) so now we play along the roads, knowing we will stop before hitting a wall or tree. Saying that, some arseholes still believe that the sight of a big noisy motorbike means that they have a big game hunt in mind, the amount of nuggets I’ve had to brake for, veer out the way of, turn off for, curse at and generally want to destroy is getting longer. In fact, just today I witnessed an accident on my way to the council to report a problem. On a hill, on a corner, on double yellow lines, there stood a lorry. It wasn’t your normal everyday Ashington lorry, it was some foreign crap ignoring our road regulations. So a woman driver SLOWLY pulled out (as she couldn’t see anything coming) and another woman driver performed a perfect manoeuvre and they took each other out right in front of my eyes. The lorry driver was gonna disappear, but as I was witness, he had no choice. Both women were fine, as was the brood of kids they carried! So I thought that the omnipresent saviour would look down at me and see that I had been a nice chap. What a load of shite religion is turning out to be.

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All there is left for this missive is to say that the day could have be worse I suppose, I’m still mental, still seething (bust ego), still full of cold (not man-flu) still hoping that someone somewhere has good intentions for me (Haters gonna hate) so, we all shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun. Get those inner lights glowing folks, it’s the season to be…..whatever you want 😃

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