Guess who’s back

Well it all starts again today, well yesterday actually as my bus from Ashington rolled in later than planned and left from outside the busiest pub in town (not good) at around 22:45 the first part of me trip went smooth (well we got to the next town) I had me each ones firmly planted in me lugs and  listened to William Shatner tell me all about his life.

Sitting at the back of e bus for the spacious seats, I was pleasantly surprised by the lack of folk aboard. That was until the bus started and the toilet door rattled around opening and slamming itself closed. Then some freak from the front say himself down right beside me (Jasper Carrot, nutter on the bus!!!)
So I ignored the smell and forced my eyes closed for the next few stops. 
Milton Keynes was my next destination, all was cool as I disembarked and planted myself  into the no opening  automatic doors. It was 0530 and i really wasn’t at my best. (Mind you the wind whistling thought the one door that was working woke me up I can tell you)  onto Stanstead. P1000007
Russians, Eastern Europeans, all sorts occupied this bus, but one by one they all got off before the airport. I was the last one off and I had visions of my bags not being there (oh how I wasn’t going to be too impressed if that happened) but all was fine. I got lost in the melee  of fences and gates (it was like the  bloody crystal maze. Appearing out the other side (with two crystals and thirty seconds on the clock) I recognised where I needed to be so off I set. The hotel was as welcoming as usual and as it was oh so earl in the morning, I thought they would be nice. WRONG!!!!!
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Unless I paid another £45 I was going to have to wait in the lobby until 1400, (that’s two o’clock to normal people) so six hours on me arse watching throngs of young guys and girls go into a meeting room (Ryanair interviews  apparently) fortunately I still had a ticket for a breakfast from the last time I  was here, so I scoffed that lot schnell mackem (I can’t write German) and connected to the World Wide Web. As it neared noon (well 1130) I vouched for a beer and coffee. 
The thing that annoyed me (and there were many I have to tell you) was the promise of wireless Internet with the actuality of none! Now in the normal world of commerce and high flying business, this would be alleviated by the use of a wire from the wall. In my case, I have a mac air, which is predominantly wireless, therefor useless. So communication with the outside world was fractious to say the least. With the “New York strip” steak I ordered being 50% fat, (and not even cooked fat) and the fact that I was ignored for twenty minutes by a waitress, AND my room key died twice during my 24hour stay, I will be drafting a letter of displeasure to the owners of Radisson Blu hotel chain.
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So the start to my new adventure wasn’t the best (considering the mood i was in I’m surprised i didn’t cry on the plane) my seat reserved on the plane, i wandered into the check in place at Stanstead, happily handing my bags over, the young girl took them, weighed them then sent them away. suddenly she looked at me and stammered that i may have been a tad early for the flight i was on, the look in her eyes told me that i might never see my bags again, inside i despaired! but they were gone, i was to hope the best!
going through security winds me up at any time really, i mean there are signs that tell you to remove your jackets and get your laptops out your cases, so why is it that everyone leaves it until the end to do these things, Christ i was nearly stripped for a shower by the time i got to the scanner (and it still beeped), Through the barriers and onto the departure lounge for two hours!!!!!!!!!!
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Ryanair flight FR3131 was called so i casually strolled to the gate and stood in the priority line, twenty minutes passed when i decided to look at the passengers tickets in front of me, i wasn’t going to Palma was i? so my calm exterior hid the blind panic of where the Frick was the gate i was supposed to be in? only ten gates down, and holy crap it was boarding. well my seat was reserved so it wasn’t leaving without me. Now being in seat A1 is fantastic, until you have to sit there with th door open letting all the cattle on (it was frikking freezing) but eventually after they loaded the entire airport onto the Boeing we closed the doors and reversed out. only to drive back in because there was a problem, then we reversed out again within two minutes. The flight was spent sleeping as i really can’t stand flying (the fact is because two planes I’ve been on have hit the ground so hard the life disappears from your eyes)
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Landing in Paphos was as natural as possible and i felt i was back…….

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