Oh what a circus, oh what a show.

This will test you.

Up at sparrows fart this morning (are there sparrows here?) Firstly i wanted to catch the thieving Gypsy git who sold me a bag for a way inflated price and the zip snapped off last night packing it for my adventures. Unfortunately the arthritic syphlitic typhoid ridden ali baba wasn’t in, so i brooded until lunch!!! On a lighter note, my PADI accredited open water diver course started today and when i say FML (not all of you will get that, but those who do, know what it means) I really didn’t know you could sweat UNDERWATER but trust me, you can! The course actually began with me sitting outside the dive centre doing the quizzes in my book, the ones you’re supposed to do beforehand ! Well in my eyes i was doing it before, ok, JUST before, but i did them,,,, nearly.

Introductions underway, i had a Cloggy instructor, a cloggy student, an adolescent brit, a father and daughter ensemble and that was it really. I did however convince the adolescent to stay and do the full course and not just the SCUBA day (That cost his parents a pretty penny) Sat in the air-conditioned room watching a DVD (exactly like the old ones from the Army with a dick as a star (Don’t end up like him!))  I realised that i was in for the usual “Death by DVD” experience. Oh it was worth it i suppose as it gave me a chance to finish my tests off in my book!

The n lunch time loomed (4 friggin hours of DVD and tests) so i stormed off to the old tw*t that sold me the sh*t bag. I looked around for a similar bag first before i took one into the shop that was a few Euros more extensive. He looked at me and i looked at him (Oh crap, it was going to be the coffee maker all over again) fortunately he was a lot more amiable the Frau Frabrisima, He looked at the price difference, and i gave the ‘I don’t care’ shoulder movement. As i started packing this new bag, he started putting the packaging back into the knackered bag and told me it was going back out for another customer. I couldn’t believe the audacity of the leftard!

Back after scoff, we were taken to the practice area, a large swimming pool where the military swim test was carried out (me in flippers goggles and snorkel (OR Fins, Mask and Snorkel)) to use the correct term (apparently) Now i naturally assumed we would have a large area to play in without the interference of others to bugger this test up, No, We went to a pool at a hotel where holiday makers were playing on air beds and diving, bombing and generally having fun ON HOLIDAY. well, i swam like a shark between them all, i was awesome, (Ive got to say that haven’t i) my three hundred meters achieved without effort (Really) and floating on my back for ten minutes sorted (and to think i was worried) Onto essential skills that were fun to do, apart from losing a contact lens when took me mask off and kept my eyes open (Not clever) ill not bore you with details, suffice to say i became the teachers pet (Obvious really) so we buddied up, Father and daughter, Cloggy and adolescent, me and Gemma (or is it Genna)

I must apologise for using photos with not a lot to do with the day, but i have been otherwise busy, but i have secured the use of an underwater camera for later on in the course so be prepared for Jaques Cousteu to be reborn.

Hard work and effort go into everything achievable (or cheat and don’t let the instructor see you fuck up) Cloggy means Dutch by the way.

For my friends (around the world) X