I Fink your Freeky! (Bare with it, its a long one)

You know how life changes on a ‘Dime’ as the Americans say. well mine did, a couple of times today actually. I have the sun, the apartment, the car, the NEW coffee maker (ill get onto that later) and the opportunity to do what the hell i want here.

This morning i could have done with a home visit from my shrink. I was incandescent with rage! My Coffee maker had decided to play dead last night (therefore prompting an outing for my kettle, which promptly burned my friggin hand again) and as i filled it up this morning (thinking it was only a minor inconvenience last night)  the light blinked ‘on’ but refused to heat any water. To say i was slightly miffed would be an affront to miffed people all over the world. Luckily i keep ALL packaging over here (i sort of guessed a place like this would be a Mecca for returned items)  So receipt in hand and box of crap under my arm i went back to the offending shop that sold me the shoddy goods.

If anyone has ever been in a shop with me when I’m not a happy clam (and i KNOW there are a few of you) then what unfolded wouldn’t really surprise you. The fact that i DIDNT get arrested or shot would have though. Finding any old punter in a shop uniform, i spoke in my best freaky deaky yip yap to get a supervisor because i had been sold shit! i was dully pointed to the girl at the counter that sells tobacco, she looked extremely surmised and pointed me to an official looking woman with a severe haircut and a small moustache. I wandered up to Frau Hitler and explained that he product was not the best in the world, but i would have expected it to last more than five days. (Im sure she clicked her heels together) then said that i would have to get another one from the display. Explaining to the  donkey that i would rather poke my eyes out with the pointy hand of “Abu Hamza” than pick another electrical item from them was fruitless in the extreme. She stood (almost striking her task) and said that it was LAW and POLITICS that dictated that i MUST pick another item and refuse point blank to give me my money back. (Can you feel my blood boiling?) i cheerily pointed out that the product WAS 5 DAYS OLD, and i wanted a refund or see the manager. I could see the smirk! SHE WAS THE MANAGER! 

( Cut to a scene with me walking out the store quickly to get to my car and not looking behind!! )

Entering a better electrical store, i knew i wanted a coffee maker, a better one than the one i just left behind in bits. The sales woman was brilliant, she let me browse at my leisure then promptly gave the information when quizzed, very very knowledgeable, thats what i look for in a salesperson. Not the stubborn mule i left behind quivering in the last store. This woman, Andrea! told me all about the differing models and how they actually make the coffee. I was just after something that boiled the water and filtered it through the grinds. The one i actually bought is a De longi. Expresso and Cappuccino maker. A little expensive for a cup of coffee but my god, what a cup of coffee!!!!! I was rewarded with a loyalty card and 10% off (which was nice) As i was on a spending spree, i wandered into the local DIY store and bought a drill and some other bits too. My day was looking up. 

To top it off, i phoned Currys (the electrical place) and enquired about the moneys owed from the European football results £50 in my bank was not there. At first they were a bit vague, then they were jolly helpful when they rang back. Someone at the store i bought my MAC had not done their job right and i wasn’t in the frame for a pay out, but the lady on the end of the phone tok my details and told me to expect a payment by BACS within a week. ( I love helpful ladies today)

(Cut to a scene, just before me walking out the store quickly to get to my car and not looking behind)

With a smug look that i could have slapped she explained that there was no one else that could help me with my problem, the sweat on her tash gave away the fact that she was lying, but i could see a crowd gathering now, just to see what my reaction would be (they were mainly Brits, so i had to be cool). Staring into her eyes intently and without blinking i said, ” Do you really want to treat me like a ‘fucking’ (I know, as soon as i swore, i had lost) tourist?” i was about to blow! “You take my money for ‘shit’ goods and refuse to refund anything because it political????” i was on a roll, “No wonder your country is in the ‘fucking’ state it is, begging for hand outs from Europe when you can’t even be fair to the people on your own ‘fucking’ Island” I was sinking in a pool of remorse! She looked stunned, the crowd looked stunned, i WAS stunned so i just tossed the box at her and said, “Keep the ‘fucking’ thing” and turned to walk away. I heard the glass of the pot smash on the floor as she had obviously not caught the box!!! I kept walking…..Fast!

All in all, an up and downey sort of day, but i have an awesome coffee maker (Takes another sip), I’m fifty quid up from currys, and everything is right in the world again (i don’t think ill go back to that supermarket for a while)

For you all !XP1030805P1030807P1030809P1030698


One thought on “I Fink your Freeky! (Bare with it, its a long one)

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