You only live twice

Yesterday was one of those days where you just think “Whats the point?” you know the ones. You wake up and there is NOTHING to do, even though you’re supposed to be working, but it got cancelled the last moment. It sort of threw me sideways about what to do. Eventually getting my arse out of bed just before lunch time (well a couple f hours before anyway) i applied my new suntan lotion, The last one was decent, but this one apparently uses carrot type stuff (more about that later) sunglasses polished, hair looking groomed good and proper, i left for my daily walk to the beach, and in line with conformity, as i walked looking like a greek goddess the waves (Freaks, the lot of them) crashed up my trousers. soaking me to the crotch! as i stood contemplating my luck, a stray tennis ball twatted me in the side of the head knocking my ice cream in the Med. that basically ended my trip to the sands, as i walked off onto the cement pathway, i stopped to don my flip flops, just as another freak wave crashed onto the prom and made one of my sandals float perilously close to a watery grave. 

Walking back along the concourse of ‘Lurve’ i have decided that Paphos is for the decerning  older patron, i talked about them earlier, but now I’m positive the younger generation has buggered off to pastures new.As i passed a couple of eateries, i also noticed that my watch was wrong,(3 hours wrong) and i had subsequently missed the Grand Prix and my favourite programme ‘Sundaybrunch’ , that was me on a downer straight away, so imagine my mood when England rolled out its drivel and lost at penalties. (Actually, i wasn’t that concerned as i never held out much hope for them anyway)

Today started with a plan. and ended with another text telling me I’m not working tomorrow ether!! oh well, another day of washing up and cleaning my apartment, interspersed with tanning walks and brisk cold showers. All my shopping should be complete by at least the afternoon (as long as i don’t push myself) and i should end up a man of leisure…..Again later in the evening!.

The plan was to get out the apartment early, go for a tanning walk get a spot of food (any eatery) walk that off, get an ice cream, walk that off, get a bottle of water then walk home, to get a lift to the DIY shop for some equipment. The actual day started later than envisaged (it was frikking readers in my bedroom, so half an hour with the air con on whist i watched a bit of TV) then a shower. prancing around in my pants while i made some breakfast, the the application of suntan lotion (I’ve realised my arms cannot reach certain spots on my back, so new and more ingenious methods of application have been developed) last look in the mirror, a quick wink and a finger bang and i was off (later than i  wanted) 

Again when i got to the sand, i scanned the horizon for any signs of freak waves and when i was happy none were forthcoming, i ventured into the surf. ,,,,,and sank in the sand as the Med took the piss! Soaked!, so i carried on with a stiff upper lip and walked along the length of the sand, avoiding where i could the rather large chaps playing tennis. Passing by some of the shops i have not ventured in yet, i decided a new (and more dynamic) set of flip flops were needed. A full €3.25 later, i looked good, apart from the zebra feet and the wet crotch (again) i made it to the ice cream parlour, its a bit of a bugger now as the guys that try and entice you into the eateries just wave and say hello to me now!  a long walk back to my place and i was tanned to F+++, the new tanning lotion works a treat, apart from the fact that i now look like that Dickinson bloke crossed with that Winton lady! but it should calm down soon, if it doesn’t, then i will post a pic and you can all rip into me for being an idiot!

After my visit to the local hardware shop to get a load of stuff (and to get my face known by the manager) i was ready for another shower and another change of kit (it really is humid here now, and you just drip sweat in the blink of an eye) then a bit of TV and off to bingo! yes i know! but with a jack pot of over €1500 you have got to give it a go haven’t you. and you may have guessed by my dour regale of the past 48 hours,,, I didn’t bloody win!

So thatsP1030690 it really, the Med just takes the Piss, the locals are all old, the shops close in the afternoon, the suntan lotion with Carrot stuff makes you look like a slightly effeminate TV presenter! and Bingo is a game of frustration. 

P1030699For Skye! (and all my friends who read this, i will dedicate them to you from now on) XP1030702P1030705P1030704

Published by dec247h

Ex soldier, father, party girl and generally nice guy taking time out to do as he pleases! one day i will make it back to the UK, but i aint in a hurry!

One thought on “You only live twice

  1. As I stood contemplating my luck a stray tennis ball twatted me in the side of the head knocking my ice cream in the Med.

    Haha brilliant! Good pics too (poser) x


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