Bloody Immigrants

Where to start, well i guess the beginning would be a good place i suppose, as the sun streamed through my window and the fan did its best to waft the red hot air around my soaking skin, i really thought it was time to get up as i had a plethora of things to do today. I knew,  just knew Nicos would be his usual unusual Cypriot self and be on bloody time.

I also knew that i had to get my clothes to the laundrette today as i had ran out of pants, and tops, and shorts, and towels, and just about everything material wise in my bloody wardrobe. so i tenderly packed my black holdall and readied myself for the 2Km trek in the heat. Just as i locked the door, Nicos arrived with my new key for the letter box, as he is a nice bloke i said yes when he offered me a lift into town (sorted) but first he wanted to check to see if i could operate the lock on my letter box (not too sorted, as I’m forty bloody three) but hey, he was giving me a lift so i said of course i would. The walk back from there almost took me into another town as i got completely lost (and its a straight bloody road too) but eventually i arrived at Pambis with loads of time to spare before Jay tipped up and took us to the immigration office.

Typical of the REME style, i knew i had time to get a brew before we assembled, so i ordered one……and a bacon sandwich! i was assured that the sarnie would only take minutes to prepare, but the chips would be a little longer, i informed the guy that those were not necessary, but as is the case with every cafe, diner, restaurant around the world, he said they came with the meal…. I DIDNT FRIGGIN WANT THEM ! but it didn’t matter, they were part of the meal and so MUST be cooked. i agreed in principle, and told him to pretend to cook them therefore he would feel he had accomplished his task!  as it happened, Jay, Carlos and (i will remember his name) all tipped up on time!!! WTF is wrong with this island? everyone sticks to timings!!! even the bloody locals. Never mind, i had my coffee, then the bacon turned up and the ribbing started “Bloody REME, always time fro a brew before work” well, yes, there is!!! maybe not so much the sandwich, but Jay shared that anyway.

With the comms between Caz and Jay a little fuzzy with the directions we got there and followed the smallest signs in the world advertising the Immigration office. The lift was a non starter as there was four of us (and one of us wasn’t small) and a couple of cupcakes already in there. so the stairs were the only other option. Bad idea! No signs saying what was on what floor, the first one we tried was a bit like a derelict haunted hotel, with no lights and no charm. The second heralded foreigners with bars on the wall like a prison (well looking at the calibre of people in there most of them will eventually get used to the bars)

I must admit, the woman behind the counter did NEED a charisma transplant, i was my usual chatty self, bright and breezy, full of beans, and that shrivelled up old cow, took the wind from my sails quicker than Michael Barrymore could clear a pool! Anyway, my appointment is for mid August so thats that (for the time being) on the way back i was dropped off at the CYTA shop to collect my wireless router, now i don’t know how many of you have had to deal with legal bureaucracy in a communist country, but because the young girl could not find a word on her computer screen, i was nearly arrested and shot for fraud. it took 40 minutes and two other shop workers to help her out as the word was blatantly flashing on her screen in HUGE font saying ‘YES ITS THE RIGHT GUY’ Anyhoo! i got the router, got lost in town (Again) and finally made it home, after collecting my 4 stone of washing from the laundrette. (humping all that shit back in 30 + heat is no joke) i ripped open the box, plugged everything in (because i was told my line was connected by the shop) and NOTHING, nada, nicht, not a fu@€ing sniffle on the internet side. 

“Malaka” is a word I’m going to get used to on this island I’m sure, but hey ho, work tomorrow at 1200 (if he turns up) if not, i shall ring CYTA to my hearts content and constantly call them names!!!!

For Skye! XPhotoP1030411P1030273PhotoPhoto


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