THINGS TO SEA AND DO.

You see lots of white socks and crocs. I kid you not. Every Monday the influx of Lilly whites become embroiled within the throng (or thong…oh jeez) of the one week suntans and sunburns. People come in three colours out here it seems :-

1- ‘Fish belly white’, that deflects the sunlight into the eyes of the unknowing. 

2- The ‘subtlety coloured’, from the tanning salon. All ready for the blast of summer they have waited for since the last time they gained a burnt torso.

3- ‘Suspiciously brown’, those that’s have lived out here for a while, or those who have spent their adulthood on the run across the med.

I know I’m generalising but let’s be honest, us Brits have always adhered to this colour chart. If you tell me you haven’t, ill tell you you are talking bollocks. So that’s the three coloured folk from the uk sorted… or is it?

Ink. Some of the worst ink i have ever seen. In fact, the artists who indulge these behemoths in colourful art need to be either retrained, or shot for the abominations they inflect upon the world. Belly tats… no flat bellies around here. Calf colours on mothers of fifteen from Sunderland. Shoulder art for Greggs gold card holders. The beat goes on too. I’ve seen ink on folk (and folkesses) that needed at least three do overs to cover the last name of their baby mammas or papas. I don’t feel awkward, or elitist. I just feel disappointed that pure artistry is splashed across some of the worst canvasses.

Can i talk about families for a second? The amount of young kids, toddlers some of them, that have to be taken around a corner and sternly talked to by the dad. I listened to one yesterday telling his wayward three year old that she’s acting like a spoilt brat only for her to retort, ‘But i AM a spoilt brat’. Another parent, a mother this time, telling her daughter that she is embarrassing her only for the little miss to tell her mother, ‘because you are embarrassing me’. The old adage ‘Blame the parents’, springs to mind. Spare the rod shite and all that. A good clip around the ear would make them think twice before back answering the adults. 

I know, i know, its not the right thing to do these days, but to that i say, ‘fuck you’, you’re probably those parents who tell the world That their offspring are perfect, salt of the earth, would do anything for others… again, ‘fuck you’. 

Socks and crocs and dads who make sure their sons dress the same as them. Committing the unholy crime of inventing the mini mes just to show the world that your sperm works. Well here’s a bit of advice to the dad/ son combo i saw this morning. You may dress the same, act the same, sound the same but take a long hard look in the mirror, there is no way on gods green earth that you look the same. Take a quick sideways glance at your best friend who your wife has insisted joins you in the med with his wife that NO ONE likes.

Anyhoo, that’s my look at life from my fish restaurant today. God bless you all wherever you are.