Autumn/ winter… shite

I seriously sit here and try to look happy, whilst inside my head feels decidedly crappy. The pressure builds up in my blocked nasal passage, the pounding builds up as my frayed nerves are savaged by feelings of guilt and unbridled dumb passion for killing some fool in my well thought out fashion! I don’t mind the noise as it soothes me so strangely, the chatter of voices from couples but mainly the wimmin who clack over coffee and cake as they put the world right, filled with great men’s mistakes!

I chomp on my sticky bun, going through the motions of chewing my food, but then feeling emotions of pointlessly trying to make myself smile as I can’t taste a thing, (and that’s been for a while). So, I’ll sit here and listen to life grind around me whilst running my fingers up through my white goatee, this year’s disappearing and so is my patience, I’ve no time to smile through my sordid vexations

Now try as I can to bring light to my darkness, as noxious coagulants clog up my carcass; the doctors prescribe medications that still hasn’t made any difference, whether potion or pill. So permanently grounded in drugged up confusion, I’ll sit everyday getting lost in delusions of happiness, laughter and grandiose illusions of much better times well before my seclusion!